and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
