I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
