how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
