The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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