nut hugger
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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