Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
