So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize