are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
