I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
