why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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