I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
