You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
