She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
