can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
