32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
