you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
