her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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