Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
