Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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