just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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