I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
