I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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