I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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