Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
