I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
