I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it glows. i had to have it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
