There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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