Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
