3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
