since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
