Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
