just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
