You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
