Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize