Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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