Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
