11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Randomize
