It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
