i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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