shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
