No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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