On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
