Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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