Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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