she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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