I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
