I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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