fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
