ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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