I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
