So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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