Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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