I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
