Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
