I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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