Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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