pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize