You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
