i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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