i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
