a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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