Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
