For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
