the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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