Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize