if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
