The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
