I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
