you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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