ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize