So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
