Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
