I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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