Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
