Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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