she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
