Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
