Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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