he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
