failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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