best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
