I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
