No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
