there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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