Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
