I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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