you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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