do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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