oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
