That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
