i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
