This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize