I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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