Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
