I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
