I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize