I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
