Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
